tomorrow melby and i set sail for california. we'll wake up at 4, shuffle to the airport with our millions of things, and wait to see if we can fly standby (during the holidays!) to california to attempt a very lofty, multi-stop trip across northern and southern california.

i feel mildly insane and also sure we will be fine, because even if we're not fine, we will be anyway.

i am both excited to see so many loved ones, and also am wallowing a bit in anticipation of not seeing nic for so many moons.

last night my head was too full of things. creepy things, heavy things, hard things. we laid in bed and i said to nic, i need you to snug me. i make him go to bed usually hours before he's ready. i kindly allow him to read on his phone, but i just need him there next to me. last night though, i needed a snug too; i needed full attention. he pretended that he wouldn't, but then shut off his phone and pushed his knees into the backs of mine and draped his arm over my side, which was enough to calm my busy brain.

i am excited to leave tomorrow but am also somehow stuck in that moment. of needing my friend, who holds me when i'm weird.

but, as in all moments, i'll be fine, even if i'm not fine.

i probably won't write or draw for a while. we'll be visiting old friends, eating croissants, digging through our hearts, and making memories during melby's first christmas. so please excuse me for a bit. i, weird girl, loved girl, am off with my best, tiny girl to see the world.

wish us luck.